Friday, June 30, 2006

More signs of collapse

At 3:15 am I stepped outside of my house to have a smoke. I'm working late, I know. Standing near my Jeep I was watching a truck pass by on County Road E. As it passed, with subwoofers thumping, a whole bunch of stuff came flying out the window of this Suburban. Several bags spewed their contents as they hit the street. I was pissed immediately and I thought, since I was properly equipped at the time, that this would be the correct response to the occupants of the Suburban. I decided to just watch them drive away.

I headed out into the street to survey the damage. There must have been ten guys in that Suburban because I found several bags from White Castle, a Crave Case and 30 individual hamburger containers. This crap was all over the street. I now regreted just watching them drive away.

I put out my smoke, went inside, and came out with two Cub Foods grocery bags. I started picking the junk up off the road but I paused because I heard a car. I looked up and saw headlights a few hundred feet down the road. I leaned up against the telephone pole on the side of the street with my two Cub bags to wait for the car to pass. I probably looked like an apartment building dweller who went to Cub and walked past the building because I was too drunk or something. The car didn't pass. It stopped and I realized I would have to put my vocabulary away and speak more slowly than usual to deal with this rocket scientist. Being naturally lazy he rolled the passenger side window down, leaned over and started yapping.

"What are you doing out here tonight?" he asked in a nasty, trying to intimidate, kind of tone.

"I refuse to answer any questions you ask me without my attorney present. Unless I am being detained or being placed under arrest I request that you don't ask me any more questions and I also refuse to identify myself." (By this point I'm shocked he hasn't cut me off.) "If I am being placed under arrest I will identify myself with my full name and birthdate. I do not consent to any search of my person or my posessions. If I am not being placed under arrest please inform me immediately so that I may go about my business. This conversation is over unless I am being placed under arrest."

This cop had never heard anything like that. I wish he heard it from everyone he talked to every day. He looked me in the eye and had no idea what to say. I heard the crickets chriping inside his head. Then he turned, sat up, faced forward, put the car in gear and drove away.

I thought I could at least get him pissed off and get him out of the car and ask me if I had any weapons. I would have responded proudly to that question just to make him call in backup because I was wearing two concealed guns and 40 rounds of ammo. Then after he would have called in backup I would have explained that I was just picking up trash in the street if someone asked me kindly. Otherwise I would have given the silent treatment to all new arrivals. But no, he had a confused look on his face and just drove away. I'm sure he felt pretty dumb and is currently trying to think of what to say if someone does that again.

Final Score:

Rex 3
Cop 0

I WON THAT MENTAL CHALLENGE! (I shouldn't brag, it wasn't a fair fight.)

The rest is uninteresting. I picked up the rest of the trash, had another smoke, wrote this and now I'm going to bed. Goodnight.

5 Comments:

Blogger Chopsy said...

Excellent! You rock! Still have no showers or AC in the house. Come out here and get these workers moving!

11:07 AM  
Blogger Lee said...

You're lucky you didn't get the taser.

7:01 PM  
Blogger Rex said...

Chopsy, your worker problem is probably a UNION problem. Hey Chopsy, you were in a union wern't you? haha

9:30 AM  
Blogger Insurgent said...

Way to stand up to the police state!

1:12 PM  
Blogger tiff said...

actually, I think the cop won. you're way more worked up then he was.

11:39 PM  

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