Wednesday, April 19, 2006

All this to get two little stickers.......

WARNING: This post will contain many f-bombs. If you are a little sissy, and cannot deal with a lot of f-bombing, click here. If you are not a little sissy, read on.

Fuck! Months ago I renewed my vending machine licenses with the City of Minneapolis far in advance of their expiration date. My papers were obviously not in order. The Ministry of Health placed stickers over the bill and coin acceptors of the machines saying that the fees had not been paid to the Ministry. Becasue the fees had not been paid, no one can use the machines. Well people are fuckin' hungry so the hotel guests ripped the stickers off (exposing themselves to criminal liability according to the sticker) and bought some fuckin' candy ANYWAY? Why would someone commit such a terrible criminal act? Because when you've smoked a bunch of weed you want a fucking snickers! That's why! And you'll do whatever you can to get the candy!

The following is the just of the conversation that I had at the license counter at Minneapolis City Hall. I have changed my side of the conversation. The following is WHAT I THOUGHT, NOT WHAT I SAID! In her defense, Carol seems like a very nice lady.

"Hi," said Carol from behind the counter.

"I fuckin' paid this crap months ago and you shut down my vending machines! What the fuck!"

Carol reviews my papers and checks her computer, "I don't show your licenses as paid."

"Yeah, why would you show them as paid, that wouldn't make any sense, CONSIDERING I FUCKING PAID THEM! You have the reciept with YOUR paid stamp on it in your fucking hand! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh You were the bureaucrat who took my money for them! I remember you! Why do I remember you? Because you told me exactly how many days you had until retirement and could start sucking on the government tit for the rest of your fucking life!"

"Well if it's not shown as paid in the computer I'll have to find out where the money went," Carol stated.

"I'll just pay the shit again, what is it, $30? That'll be cheaper than my legal defense will cost if I ever find who wrote the city law to LICENSE fucking vending machines! If I just pay you again will you quit fucking with my vending machines? Damn it! Shit! Fuck!"

Carol took out a three page form and handed it to me. "Fill this out and I'll get your renewal through again."

I filled out the whole fucking three page form, what a waste of time! Carol took it to her computer to start puting the data in. "Your form says Product Vending Systems, LLC and my computer says Product Vending Systems, Inc., which is it?" asked Carol.

"The LLC is mine and the Inc. is the FORMER OWNER! I wrote that on the last two fucking renewal applications I filled out!"

"Oh, then you need to fill out an application for a new license, not a renewal because you're a new business," Carol said.

"Fine, give me the fucking thing!" The next form I filled out was the SAME FUCKING FORM except it said "New Application" on top instead of "Renewal Application." Five more minutes later I was done with that mother-fucker too.

"That'll be a $141," stated Carol.

"What the fuck! I thought it was $30! You criminal dickheads! Why don't you just fuck me with a frozen, cast iron dildo! Damn it all to hell!"

"You have to pay a NEW APPLICATION FEE, that's where the extra money comes in," said Carol.

I now felt as though the government had just cum in my mouth. (I know that sounds gross but you can thank Lewis Black for that line, I'm not the first to say that.)

So I paid the fees for my permission to conduct business. I couldn't believe that shit. What a bunch of crap. Click on the No Force, No Fraud and scroll down a bit to read Bob's writing on city government, it's more of the same. Sue happened to call after this all happened. Thank goodness she did. I got to scream at her about the whole fiasco. She was very nice and listened to everything I had to yell about, plus it's nothing compared to what she's dealt with.

One word sums it all up: Fuck.


Blogger Insurgent said...

You've got a potty mouth.

Remember, remember, the fifth of November, The gunpowder treason and plot. I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot.

5:14 PM  
Blogger Lee said...

::applauds:: t3h rox0r!

Way better than my posts. You should get screwed by the government more often! new Jacobin's song. :) little more abrasive. Excellent!

9:26 PM  

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